Nerves

So I have spent the last 2 days when I have been home feeling a huge ball of nerves I have absolutely no idea as to why or what has been causing any of it…

I hate it… I have quite an analytical mind, I search for reasons, patterns and causes there is no need for me to feel anxious and as soon as the flutters start that is it I panic because I feel panicked! It’s the most ridiculous thing ever. My heart flutters and I’m having a stupid amount of what I call tickers which are ectopic heart beats. They are the most horrible sensation. A sudden thud in the chest followed by a very quick heartbeat and the more you panic the more ectopic beats you get. The ectopic beats were the issue in which I became fixated, upon my diagnosis of health anxiety. There was a problem with my heart, I knew it! I knew because I had felt it skip beats! I had an ecg and was prescribed beta blockers which made it worse I now have avoidance issues for theme park rides or anything that triggers adrenaline or has warning signs that it is not suitable for anyone with a heart complaint. So there are times in which these ectopic beats occur and I can just continue my day with no issue but I know when I am in a highly stressful or anxious state I am prone to having them so trying to ground yourself from an anxiety spiral when your heart constantly reminds you that you have a reason for panic is a hard fought battle.

Anxiety…

It is a predator, always lurking in the background watching your every move waiting on a moment when you least expect it for it to makes its move.

It is a shadow, never too far away even on the sunniest or brightest of days. It is an all encompassing darkness that is prevalent at night

It is a parasite that finds a host and takes root sapping all energy and some joy from its life giver. Making them live in a zombified state whether scared to feel joy for fear it will be taken away or always exhausted from the exertion it takes to fight it.

It is a tsunami, fleeting retreats to the horizon before the momentum builds and the waves leave you treading water with the belief and hope you will not drown.

It is irrational, can strike for no rhyme or no reason and cause the uttermost devastation.

If I was to list symptomatically sensations, pains and issues in which I know anxiety could cause it would shock those less knowledgeable on the subject. Heck it shocks me still!

• Dizziness
• Foggy headed
• Ectopic heart beats
• Pins and needles sensations
• Brain zaps – feeling of electric current through the brain
• IBS
• Diarrhoea
• Constipation
• Chest pain
• Blurred vision
• Feeling that your neck is not strong enough to hold your head
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Stomach cramps
• Headaches
• Migraine
• Rapid breathing
• Fainting
• Insomnia
• General aches and pains
• Feeling of a lump in your throat or that it is constricting
• Coughing
• Tight chest
• Sweating
• Shaking or trembling
• Acid reflux
• Muscle tension
• Loss of appetite
• Weakness.

This is not even half of it and I really could go on about the behavioural symptoms too. So maybe next time you think “oh it’s just anxiety” you can reward yourself for the courage to get up every single day and find it within yourself to fight the demon you faced the previous night.