I am so unbelievably done with this current situation I find myself in.
I started to feel poorly a little over 2 weeks ago and thought not much of it having previously thought I’d done really well during the winter to avoid and colds whatsoever…
It started with not feeling too great at work and a member of the team becoming concerned about how poorly I was looking, then progressed to fever, chills, flu like symptoms as well as horrific lower back pain. Having had a stupidly high temperature peak a call to 111 meant I had to be seen by a doctor who sent me off for tests. The very next day I had a call from the receptionist stating I need to immediately start a course of antibiotics but it wasn’t until a few days later when I aired my concern that the antibiotics were not working that I was told they were prescribed because I had an inflammation marker present in my blood. I did as I was told and started a 7 day course of amoxicillin. Half way through and I was still really struggling with anything and was back in the doctors. This time the lady I saw was amazing and spent so much time with me checking me over, calming me down as she herself has issues with PTSD and poor mental health. She believed I was suffering with glandular fever so another blood test later I am waiting at home for result and I receive a call stating I need to see a doctor that day to discuss my results = hello panic stations. My entire family are on alert and freaking out. Due to flooding by my doctors I had to go to a different surgery and be seen by a different GP who basically told me that my CRP and ESR markers were abnormal and I would need to be tested in 4 weeks time to see if they went back to normal or whether further action is deemed necessary. Well I was very upset and frustrated that I had waited hours for that news and I have fought tooth and nail to not allow it to set me off on a health anxiety spiral but my body seems to want to make that difficult for me. In the last 2 weeks I have suffered with:
Bronchitis
Flu – all the symptoms
Lower back pain
Every type of thrush imaginable
Sickness and diarrhoea.
Dizziness
Yesterday I lost my hearing and this morning I had what the doctors believe to be an ocular migraine. I have to been seen later tonight to check everything is ok.
I am trying so hard to be positive and trust in the moments where I’m feeling better that I’m just absolutely run down and need to rest up but I have spent maybe 2 hours with my son in 2 weeks and I’m scared for the moment where my anxiety-ridden maladaptive brain is proven right that there is something more sinister going on. I have spent 2 weeks in bed when I’m not at the doctors or hospital listening to audiobooks. I want to hug and play with my baby so much but I’m not ok enough for it and it’s breaking my heart more than you could ever imagine. All I seem able to do is lie around and occasionally sleep.
Mama Bearable 